A driving force behind my dedication to helping families create good estate plans is simple. I don’t believe people work 40-50 years to accumulate assets, only to lose them to excessive taxes or nursing home costs. Unfortunately, the government system is failing our seniors. This makes it essential to take proactive steps, and that starts with creating an estate plan.
Estate planning is, at its heart, writing your own rulebook for what happens when you lose control—whether that’s due to illness or passing away. It addresses critical issues like how finances will be managed, who inherits your assets, and how to ensure your values and morals are passed on. Without a personal estate plan, the state of Pennsylvania has a default rulebook called the Fiduciary Code. These government rules don’t prioritize your best interests. Crafting your own estate plan gives you control, ensuring your wishes are respected.
Starting the Estate Planning Conversation
One of the most common questions I hear is, “How do I talk to my parents about estate planning?” Many people find their elderly parents reluctant to discuss the topic, especially when it involves illness or passing away. With the holiday season approaching, families often gather and reminisce about the past, making it an ideal time to gently introduce the subject.
For those in their retirement years, peace of mind is often a key motivator for estate planning. They want assurance that if something happens, there’s a plan in place to spare their families from unnecessary stress or chaos. Yet, too often, families notice cognitive decline in aging parents during holiday visits, sparking concern about what to do next if no plan is in place.
How to Approach the Topic
The key to a productive conversation is framing it in a way that feels meaningful, not threatening. Avoid jumping straight into technical terms like wills or trusts. Instead, start with broader topics, such as their wishes for how they’d like to be remembered or how they’d prefer their assets to be handled. For example:
- Storytelling Approach: Share a story about someone dealing with estate planning challenges. For instance, “Mom, a coworker told me about her mom’s dementia diagnosis. They’re struggling to figure out care options and how to protect the house for her dad. I was wondering—do you and Dad have a plan for something like that?” Stories help normalize the conversation and create a natural segue into discussing their plans.
- Beneficiary Updates: Ask when they last reviewed their retirement account beneficiaries. Updating these details can prompt them to think about the broader need for estate planning.
Addressing the Fear of Nursing Home Costs
One of the most significant concerns for seniors is losing their savings to nursing home costs. Instead of tackling this head-on, frame it within the context of control and access. For example, “Mom, wouldn’t it be better if we had a plan in place to make sure everything you’ve worked for is protected, no matter what happens?”
The Role of Reputation in Estate Planning
Reputation matters to everyone. Most people want to be remembered for their values and contributions, not for leaving their families in disarray. My grandfather’s story illustrates this point. Despite a life of hard work and achievement, he lost much of his savings to nursing home costs because his attorney didn’t provide the right plan. The financial strain affected how he was remembered, overshadowing his many accomplishments. Sharing stories like this can help parents see the importance of planning—not just for their assets but also for their legacy.
Moving Beyond Just a Will
Many seniors mistakenly think a will is all they need. However, wills must go through the probate process, which can be lengthy and stressful for heirs. This is the ideal opportunity to introduce the idea of trusts which can help families avoid probate while protecting assets more effectively. By sharing examples of friends or acquaintances who’ve faced difficulties as executors, it highlights how trusts can simplify the process.
Next Steps: Learning More Together
When you start the conversation, you could maybe suggest learning more about estate planning options together. Once you feel they are more comfortable talking about estate planning, you can invite them to attend our free “Three Secrets to Protect Your Legacy” Workshop. This Estate Planning and Asset Protection workshop will allow them to explore their options in a casual, stress-free setting. They will get all the information they need to make an educated decision. You can register for a workshop on sechlerlawfirm.com/workshops
For those looking for additional resources, we’ve created a checklist to guide families through these discussions. These peace-of-mind questions help address concerns without being intrusive. To receive a copy, email us at info@sechlerlawfirm.com with “Checklist” in the subject line.
Protect Your Legacy Today
Estate planning isn’t just about legal documents or money. Rather, it’s about ensuring peace of mind, and preserving your legacy, while protecting what you’ve worked so hard to build. Take the first step today by starting a conversation with your loved ones. You’ll be giving them the greatest gift: the assurance that their wishes will be honored, and their family will be cared for.
